Hypothetical

poem by Alexis, one of Ioche's staff writers

I wrote the first draft of this poem in my Notes app while waiting for the bus. This one came from a place of fear and realization that I had a crush on someone I knew. A few days before this, we were both volunteering at the same event and I couldn’t quite put into words why seeing him made me feel so nervous. I really love rereading and rewriting old drafts so I wanted to rewrite one for this month.

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there are many hypotheticals
and one of them is you and me.
if i admitted my admiration

with my chest. instead of burying it
away, out of fear of rejection.
if you looked at me like someone you know

rather than looking right past my head
but never at me. if i wasn’t so scared
to be loved, because all it does is hurt.

if you remembered my name. if i stopped
trying to forget yours. if all good things
didn’t pass me by like the biting breeze

in this small, lonely state.

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